The Only One Who Can
by Brittanicaa
Summary: The Universe faces the threat of the Reapers. Two women are the only chance at stopping them, but that is easier said than done. Besides finding a way to stop them, both women are busy dancing with their demons and trying to put themselves back together. How do you redeem the things you've done? Saving the Universe might be a good start.
1. A Chance for Redemption

The Universe faces the threat of the Reapers. Two women are the only chance at stopping them, but that is easier said than done. Besides finding a way to stop them, both women are busy dancing with their demons and trying to put themselves back together. How do you redeem the things you've done? Saving the Universe might be a good start.

This takes place after the events of Bioshock Infinite and before the events of Burial at Sea; and just after Horizon.

 _Commander Shepard, I can help you with your problems. I have ways of stopping your Reapers; meet me at the Dark Star as soon as you can. Don't keep me waiting to long; the universe depends on it._

 _-A.D._

Shepard stared at the note for what seemed like forever. It was a handwritten note handed to her by Captain Bailey. Who even had paper anymore? Whoever it was, she was sure she wasn't working for Cerberus; she even avoided sending it to her terminal. She told Garrus about the note and asked him to come along just in case worst came to worst. The two began their journey to the Dark Star.

 _"Screw that we can handle ourselves, go back and get Alenko." "Lily, sweetheart you have to calm down they will see you glowing." "Dad do something she is going to get us killed. The Batarians swooped into their home drawn like moths to the flame to her blue aura. Why hadn't they taught her how to use her biotics? She could have saved them, she could have protected them, they never would of even found us. "I thought we had something, I loved you and you turned your back on everything we believed in." "Shepard!" Joker screamed as she pushed the launch button for the escape shuttle. For a moment she still thought she would live. Her suit would protect her from the cold and the alliance would be here soon. That is when she felt an assault of cold hair on her. She reached to it hoping to calm herself and realize she was just paranoid. She did not find comfort, but she did find a puncture in her suit. She tried to close it with omni-gel but then there was another hole and another and suddenly, the world got blurry._

"Glad to see you are finally here, I was beginning to think you weren't going to show." Said the brunette with striking blue eyes. She sat alone at a table and motioned for Shepard to take the seat beside her. Shepard was hesitant but she eventually sat down. Garrus was there, and he was quick; if anything went wrong she knew he would stop it. "Names Elizabeth, sorry about all of the secrecy, but you are a very important woman and my information can't be placed in the wrong hands." Shepard flinched at her words. Shepard was being manipulated by the wrong hands, and this stranger knew it.

"You said that you had info on the Reapers," Shepard said dryly as the waiter brought them drinks. She wanted nothing more than to down the glass and forget her problems, but there was no way she was doing this around some stranger.

"Yes I do, I also have ... talents that I think would help you stop them." The brunette said as she threw back her drink. She was not quick enough to hide the displeasure of the drink. She had never drank it before which Shepard thought was strange, it was a pretty common drink.

"Of course," Said Shepard as she sipped at her drink "There is always a catch," Shepard said not even trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.

"No catch,I have just as much reason to save the Universe as you, as it turns out it is my home too."

"So what you want to come with me?" Shepard asked avoiding Elizabeth's eyes; there was something off about this woman and now she wanted to join her crew.

"Let me go on one mission with you. If you are not impressed by my skills and what I have to offer, then by all means kick me off of your ship. I will still give you the info about the Reapers. Like I said its my universe too."

"Well then Elizabeth," Shepard began as she raised her glass "Welcome aboard"

"Shepard" The Illusive man said as he brought the cigar to his lips, "It has come to my attention that you have brought a complete stranger on board, you do realize why that is not acceptable? You are with my ship and bringing people I can not trust on to my ship."

"And?" Shepard said with pride. If she had known this is how he would react to her bringing Elizabeth on board she would have agreed much sooner. This was fantastic. "As I recall I am the one in charge of my team. I want people I can trust on it. I didn't realize I needed a permission slip."

The Illusive man stared at her before taking another drag of his cigar. "I need information on her. I can't let someone I don't trust on my ship. I don't know if the Alliance would allow things like this but that is not how things work here..." Shepard disconnected communications. There was no way in hell he was going to talk to her like that.

Garrus, Elizabeth, Jack and Shepard piled into the shuttle headed out towards Pragia. Jack was on edge, everyone could see that. She kept wringing her hands together and would scratch at her arm. Shepard pulled Jack's arm away from her and held her hand. Out of all of the crew, Jack seemed to be the only one she was beginning to trust. It probably had to do with their mutual hatred for Cerberus. Elizabeth was also nervous, and kept trying to grab the thimble on her pinky through her armor. She had one chance to prove herself and she hoped that she was enough.

 _"It's the only way to undo what I've done to you." He said as he slowly and tenderly moved her hand from his and opened the door. She knew what she had to do, this is what she wanted, what they both wanted. She had never felt more pain in her life; killing the only person you ever cared about was no easy feat. She breathed in deeply and followed him to his doom._

They landed and all four of them left the shuttle without a word. Shepard effortlessly became the famous Commander instead of the woman previously holding a friend's hand like mother to a crying child.

Members of the Blood pack started attacking. Elizabeth saw a turret and pulled it in through her tear. Shepard looked shocked but said nothing as she raced to the turret and began firing on the mercs. Elizabeth then threw some thermal clips towards Garrus and he gratefully took them and reloaded his sniper. Elizabeth and Jack worked effortlessly together Jack would hit them with a singularity, and Elizabeth would act with one of her vigors. It took no time at all until all of the mercs where down. Jack and Garrus stared at Elizabeth but Shepard said nothing as she walked towards their next destination. She only turned around when she realized that no one was following.

"What the hell was that," Garrus said in awe as Jack just stared at her.

"Its uh.. well its..." Elizabeth began but Shepard had cut her off.

"Don't know if you guys noticed but it turns out we are on a mission." She then turned back around and continued without a second glance. The three of them began after her without another word.

After the mission was complete the four returned to the Normandy and parted ways Shepard set a course for Haestrom and returned to her quarters with nothing more than an angry glare at anyone that attempted to talk to her. When she finally reached her quarters the exhaustion finally began to overtake her. When was the last time she had even slept? Three days? That sounded about right. She dared not get anywhere comfortable for fear of losing to the throbbing of her head that begged for sleep. There was no way in hell she would allow herself to dream. She was startled when she heard the door to her cabin door open, it was Garrus.

"Shepard, you look like hell." He said softly his voice full of concern

"That's what human women love to hear," She turned and glanced at him, his face full of worry."I'm fine Garrus" she said as she began reading messages from her terminal.

"Bullshit, when was the last time you slept?"

"Garrus I already said I was fine,"

"Yes, you did and I already said that was bullshit, are you sleeping, Chakwas said you haven't been eating much either and I've always been told that biotics have to eat and sleep a lot more than other humans. You know if there is something bothering you, I'm here for you Shepard"

This time she finally turned to look at him but she didn't dare meet his eyes. "Garrus, I don't know if I can be helped. I can't sleep, fighting is the only thing I can do right now. The only thing that makes me feel almost human." She dropped her head as a few tears defiantly fell from her eyes. She was Commander Fucking Shepard, and here she was crying like some weak child.

"Shepard you can't keep this up. I am ordering you as a friend to eat some food and sleep for the rest of the trip to Haestrom. I will make sure no one screws anything up, I promise."

"Garrus, I don't want to sleep, thats the problem."

"Bad dreams?"

"They are just dreams to me at this point, except mine aren't scary monsters they are the just things I've done."

"I thought you would say that, which is why I talked to Chakwas before coming up here, she gave me these said they would help you have a nice, dreamless sleep."

She stared at him a long time before taking the pills and laying down in her bed. She was asleep before her head even touched the pillow.

To say that Elizabeth felt out of place on the Normandy was and understatement, she jumped head first into a culture she hardly knew anything about that couldn't be more different than her own. She had moved a cot under the stairs and her and Jack had become fast friends, both knew what it was like to be trapped for their childhood, and yet both still found comfort in the confinement.

"So, how did you do that thing with the turret?" Jack asked as she flipped through her files from Cerberus.

"They are called tears, sometimes I can see things that aren't there and bring them in, its a long story."

Jack stared at her for a moment before going back to her files "Pretty fucking rad."

"What do you think of her?" Garrus asked the pilot as he sat down beside him

"Shepard? I think she is barely holding her self together, I think she needs help but I don't think is just going to let us. I'm terrified she is going to get herself killed."

"She has been increasingly reckless on the last few missions and I think she is getting worse."

"So i guess you convinced her to go to sleep?" Garrus nodded "Good, she was really fucking cranky."

"She has a picture of him in her quarters." Garrus said as he looked out the window.

"I think they are both in a tough situation, I mean to him she has been dead for years and, well you saw how he was dealing with it." Garrus winced at the memory of a drunk Alenko with a bloody nose. "But to her I mean, she was just with him months ago and now she doesn't have much of a choice with Cerberus now does she?"

"I think she remembers dying." Garrus said as looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, I can't imagine that would be any easy thing to deal with, especially when you might die again soon."

"What about Elizabeth?" Garrus said, no longer wanting to think about his closest friend in pain.

"She's, honestly I have no idea what to think about her. Something seems off."

"I agree" Garrus said as a drowsy Shepard approached them from behind and leaned against Joker's chair.

"Feeling better?" Joker asked her. "If you need help sleeping I'm a pretty good at cuddling you know, unless you break my bones, but that doesn't mean I'll sleep with you, well maybe I haven't decided yet. I guess I wouldn't technically be breaking regs." She smiled at him, not a fake smile, but an actual smile that reached her eyes. It was a start.


	2. Meet Me at the Apple Tree

_She sat on the branch of the tree and took a bite out of the sweet apples. There was nothing better than life on Mindoir, the way the leaves danced gracefully with the wind, as if the world depended on their waltz. Lily trembled as Kaidan's hands ran softly up her back, sending thousands of small chills up and down her spine. The grace of their bodies moving reminded her of the leaves and the wind, her world depended on their waltz. That's what she thought of as she listened to his message for the thousandth time that night. "I spent two years putting my self back together, and then I saw you, and everything just..." She had tried to message him before they met on Horizon, she had written at least 20 letters before she realized there is no way Cerberus would ever let those messages arrive to Kaidan. She had practically begged Anderson to send him a message and he wouldn't not while she was working with Cerberus. She didn't have much choice in the matter, she couldn't let thousands of people be taken for whatever the Collectors had in store for them just because she didn't like Cerberus. It is not in her nature to just let someone die._

"Commander, Operative Lawson would like to see you when in her office when you have the chance.

"Thanks EDI" She walked out of her cabin and into the elevator as she made her way to see Miranda.

"Holy shit, no fucking way!" Jack yelled at Elizabeth as she went through the Cerberus files.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked as she closed the tear to her tower

"Shepard they, the things they did to her its, I think I might be sick."

"Cerberus is cruel" Elizabeth said calmly as she sat next to Jack "You of all people should know that." She opened a tear to Shepard sitting in a tree on Mindoir, eating a freshly picked apple. "Its the day of the attack she said softly" as Jack sat next to her.

"She looks so happy, did you read the files it said she..."

"I don't need to read files, I can see everything that can, has, and will happen."

"Does she know?"

"No but she is about to find out."

Miranda, Garrus, Liz and Shepard walked in silence as they made their way to the Normandy, rescuing Miranda's sister had not gone as smoothly as Shepard had anticipated. As they entered the ship, Miranda nervously stood behind Shepard.

"Shepard, I, there is something I would like to discuss with you in private when you have the time." She then walked off, staring at her feet all the way to the elevator. Hours later, Shepard's voice called to the pilot from her quarters.

"Joker, set a course to the Citadel, and EDI tell Miranda to meet me in my quarters I have time now." Shepard said as she finished her last bit of food on her tray. She had promised Garrus that she would eat once they had gotten back from the mission, and she did not dare break a promise to her favorite Turian. Minutes later, Miranda nervously knocked on her door.

"Shepard, there is something I have been meaning to tell you. I should have told you sooner but I, well, I don't know how to say this. When we recovered your body you where pregnant." Shepard didn't move at her words, for fear that any movement might cause her body to collapse or shatter into thousands of small pieces. "We tried to resurrect you and the child, but there was no saving the baby. I am so sorry. You were very early on and I thought you deserved to know." Miranda stood there for a moment and when Shepard didn't move she walked towards her. "Shepard I am so sorry for your loss."

"I want the files." Shepard said calmly. Calmly, like just before a storm.

"Of Course Shepard," She lifted her omnitool and began sending the information to Shepard's terminal. Without another word she walked out of the room and towards the elevator.

 _"Would you ever want children?" He asked as he removed a strand of her from her face._

 _"Maybe someday, though I don't know if I would be any good at it."_

 _"I think you would be a great mother." The screams of her mother filled her head as the batarians slowly dragged her mother away from her. Then she was standing over a crib. The baby was screaming. She tried to comfort the child, but every time she went for the baby it disappeared, screaming even louder._

 _"This girl," the batarian said as he lifted her up by her arm. She was dizzy and her nose was bleeding from overusing her biotics. "is the reason we found four beautiful humans that will make us a wonderful profit."_

 _"You know its all your fault don't you, sweetheart?" Kaidan said as his fingers ran up and down her spine, "Akuze, Mindoir, Ashley, our child, it is because of you." He kissed her softly as he plunged a knife into her chest. "You break everything you touch._


	3. What the Future Might Hold

Lily awoke in a panic, barely able to breath and drenched in a cool sweat. _Fix the hole the Alliance will be here soon._ Shepard sat on the bed shaking and sobbing until she finally won against the panic attack. She dragged herself from her bed and into her shower. She was a mess, a fucking mess; The Commander Shepard and a panic attack, the media would have a field day. The hot water helped to calm her, just because the panic attack was gone her body was still trying to hard to protect itself. She stayed in the shower until she was numb, and that was as good as she was going to get. They were on their way to the Omega 4 Relay and Garrus insisted that she get some rest. She knew it was wrong for her to not be taking care of herself and endangering the rest of the crew, but she had no willpower to make sleep. Give her mercs to kill, a thresher maw, anything and she could do it no problem, ask her to rest and she would be sent into a panic attack. How do you fight something that is a part of you?

When she stepped out of the bathroom after finishing her routine, Elizabeth was standing at her fish tank, admiring her pets.

"Elizabeth, is there something you wanted?" She asked as she made her way towards the other woman.

"Sort of, you helped everyone else put their affairs in order before this mission, I am here to do the same for you."

"I don't need that, besides we are on our way to the relay now we don't have time for a trip."

"We can do this in your cabin," Elizabeth said as she opened a tear in front of the tank.

They stood in an orchard, the leaves and the wind were dancing with the other. It even smelled like home. She walked towards the tree she had always loved climbing before realizing they weren't on Mindoir at all.

"This is where Kaidan and I stayed on shore leave." She whispered to herself as she reached out and touched the tree. She stared at it for a moment and smiled at the memory.

"This isn't the past." Elizabeth said softly as the door to the guest house opened. Kaidan walked out with Lily not far behind, their fingers intertwined.

"Can they see us?" Shepard asked going to cover behind the tree.

"No, we are just spectating."

The couple walked towards them and the other Shepard began climbing the tree, Kaidan following behind her.

"You and your apples." He said as she took a bite out of one

"What can I say they are my favorite, and they remind me of home."

"I'm sorry about everything Lily," he began as he stared at his feet. She playfully shoved him and handed him an apple. They sat in silence as they eat the apples and she laid her head on his shoulder.

Shepard stared at them from the ground until the two had eaten there apples and began climbing down the tree and headed back to the guest house. She walked to the tree they had been sitting on and took one of the low hanging apples.

"I'm ready to go now Elizabeth," She said softly as she stared at the house waiting for them to return to the tree. The tear closed and was staring at her fish tank.

"Thank you Elizabeth, I really needed that." She didn't take her eyes off of the fish tank for fear that she would look away and the orchard would reappear.

"No need to thank me, I am just happy I could give you something to hold onto. With everything you have done for everyone else on this ship, you deserve some closure to."

"So that was the future?"

"Not exactly, it is a possibility of the future. You have the chance to make it that way."

"Commander we are nearing the relay, just thought you would like to join me on the bridge." Joker voice boomed through her quarters.

"Thanks, I'll be right there. Tell everyone to suit up" Shepard said as she turned back to Elizabeth. Elizabeth nodded and headed towards the elevator.

Saving all of their crew members, check; Getting through swarms of Collector bugs, check; Fighting a human reaper hybrid, however was not what anyone was planning. Thane Grunt, Elizabeth and Shepard where all getting worn out and everyone was low on thermal clips, even with all of the extras Elizabeth had pulled in.

"Wait," Elizabeth yelled at Shepard from across the field, "I have an idea." She opened a tear and a strange musical instrument fell through it. She played four notes on it and suddenly a huge mechanical bird swept through the tear and lunged towards the human-reaper.

"Holy Shit" Grunt yelled as the trio stared in awe at what just happened.

The Bird and the Human- Reaper fought for what seemed like forever. While the bird had brute strength and agility, the Human-Reaper had the beam. The show was short lived as waves of Collectors appeared around them. The Human-Reaper crashed on the platform and it began to crumble. The Songbird tackled the Human-Reaper and the two fell into the pit, never to be seen again. Thane began sliding off of the broken platform and Shepard went after him, there was no way she was losing anyone today. Elizabeth stumbled backwards but Grunt steadied her. That is when small pieces began falling from the ceiling, knocking everyone unconscious.

 _Booker lunged towards Comstock reaching for Anna. "Give me back my daughter!"_

 _"Close it! Close it!" Comstock yelled as he jumped through the portal._

 _"She isn't through, we can't" The Luteces said in unison_

 _"Now, do it now!" Comstock yelled as Booker got the upper hand and began pulling Anna back towards him._

 _"I made a mistake, please she's my daughter I need her." Booker said as the portal began closing. Comstock had pulled her back towards him and the portal closed just around the baby's neck._

"Elizabeth, come on this place is falling apart!" Shepard said as she helped a dazed Elizabeth to her feet. Grunt and Thane began running towards the exit as Shepard and Elizabeth took out as many Collectors and husks as they could while sprinting. Grunt and Thane had just made it on to the Normandy when the platform Elizabeth was on fell under her. Shepard lifted her with her biotics and placed her on the ship, all while leaping for the Normandy. Grunt helped lift her and as soon as they made it aboard, the ship took off thanks to EDI's piloting. "Everyone's all right?" Shepard asked Joker as she began catching her breath.

"Yes Commander, everyone made it back to the ship in one piece." Joker said as they all walked towards the bridge.

"Good, can you patch me through to the Illusive man?"

"Aye, Aye Commander." He said as he took his seat

Shepard walked towards the comm room and lifted up the table. "Shepard, you blew up the base even though we could of used that knowledge to help stop the Reapers."

"No," Shepard said as she glared at the man "I don't want to just stop the Reapers, I want to make sure that no one ever has to worry about them again. I don't want to control them, I want them destroyed because that is the only way I can be sure that they will never harvest another living thing. That station was the place where hundreds of thousands of humans lost their lives. You're damn right I destroyed it, and if you are waiting for me to apologize, you are going to be disappointed."

"I brought you back, I gave you resources and a damn good team and this is how you repay me."

"I already said I would never work for Cerberus and I didn't, I simply used their resources. Thanks for those by the way." She said smugly, barely hiding the smile on her face.

"Shepard, I am not someone you want as your enemy."

"Neither am I." She said as she disconnected the channel she had bigger things to worry about than him. "Joker, take me to the Citadel and drop off the crew, then take us into Archterus, we need to see the Alliance."

"Aye, Aye."

She smiled as she made it back to her cabin, she couldn't believe she had just pulled that mission off, and finally got Cerberus's hands off of her. She took the apple and bit into it, maybe just maybe she could destroy the Reapers.


	4. Secrets

"You brought me here to confirm what you already know." Shepard said as all of the eyes in the room stared at her "The Reapers are here."

"How do we stop them."

"There is no stopping them, this is survival. We will need every fleet from every race to even stand a chance of defeating them."

The Harbinger beam shot through the window and lifted the desk up into the air. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her before knocking her head against the table and drifted off to sleep.

Hell, that's what this was. The shuttles of civilians destroyed, right before her. The child she had seen playing outside of her apartment, and here she was perfectly fine escaping to the Citadel.

"Where are we going?" James asked as she marched through the shuttle bay

"The Citadel, we need help."

"Hell no, I am staying here.

"James, I"

"The only way we would even have a chance is to get help. The Admiral will have to hold out until we can return with reinforcments. It has been a long day Mr. Vega, there is no need to begin questioning the Commander." Elizabeth said as she walked out of the elevator. Shepard smiled.

"How in the hell did you manage to convince the Alliance to let you stay aboard?"

"Hey being a friend of the Commander has its benefits, I might as well use them."

"Well I'm glad to have you on our side."

"It turns out the Reapers aren't really recruiting."

"Like I said I'm just glad you are on our side."

"Elizabeth? I never read anything about an Elizabeth in the reports." Kaidan said softly as he stared at the two women.

"I am the Commander's secret weapon, and its better if it is kept that way. It is nice to finally meet you though Major Alenko." She said as the two women entered the elevator.

"Joker, we are headed to Mars." Shepard said as she walked towards her favorite pilot.

"You know, I'm glad you're here Shepard, I was beginning to miss my life not being in immediate I see Alenko's back. So you two worked everything out I assume?"

"What do you think?"

"So the two of you haven't gotten it again? Damn. When the two of you were together you were a lot less grumpy." She playful smacked him in the back of his head. "Careful Commander, he might fall for our secret weapon, or you will finally realize your feelings for either Garrus or me and be stuck in a sad little triangle."

"You are making me miss being under house arrest."

"That's what I'm here for."

"Kaidan!" She screamed as Dr. Eva lifted him up. Elizabeth hit the doctor with a possession and she let him down. and walked towards them. Shepard ran towards him and helped him to his feet.

"Grab that thing and bring it with us." She yelled to James as she boarded the ship." You okay?" She helped him remove his helmet but he stared at Elizabeth.

"What did you do?" he said as he glared at Elizabeth.

"I believe I saved your life." Shepard stared at the two who just glared at the other.

"Commander, Admiral Hackett wants to see you in the war room."

"EDI and Liara can you figure out how that thing works and see if we can use it somehow?" She then stormed into the elevator. Liara and James brought the mech to the Med-bay, which left Kaidan and Elizabeth alone.

"What did you do to her?"

"Me? Besides give her peace and help her through a rough time while you couldn't look past her working with Cerberus."

"You asked me if you could rebuild her, if I had known what you were doing to her I would of never let you have her. You gave here to Cerberus for Christ sake."

"No, I let someone else do that. As I recall you were more than happy when I told you she would live again. Beggars can't be choosy Alenko."

"You said there was a child, you also said that you would take care of her and that she would be safe. That is the only reason I agreed.

"There is, but she can not know about it. I need the Commander and so does the Universe. Someone else needed her child, I did what was necessary to save the Universe. I'm asking you as her friend to not tell her; it would break her heart."

"Her friend? You have done nothing but manipulate her. What makes you think I would keep your little secret?"

" How do you think she will react to learning that the love her life knew the entire time about her child and still turned his back on her?"

"You told me I had to, you said when I saw her on Horizon that I had to turn her away to keep her safe."

"Then I suggest that you keep this between the two of us. Otherwise her safety might be compromised."

"Threatening me is one thing bitch, threatening her is something else entirely. I am going to ask you one more time where the child is" He took his pistol out of his holster "and you will tell me."

"I'm not afraid of you, you would have to do a lot more than that to scare me." He fired a single round into her side.

"Last chance"

"I don't know. They said that they couldn't save it but I have seen it. I know it is alive. I grew to care for her okay? I am still trying to figure out where your child is, but that doesn't change the circumstance. Shepard is the only one who even has a chance of fighting the Reapers and she doesn't need a distraction. She has to be at 100 percent." The elevator opened, Shepard and Liara emerged from it, guns drawn.

"Joker said the two of you were about to kill one another. Kaidan put it down." He glared at Elizabeth but he lowered his weapon. "Are either of you going to tell me whats going on?"

"Shepard she's been shot." Liara said as she walked towards Elizabeth

"Commander we are approaching the Citadel, they wanted to know if you needed transport."

"Joker, I need to get to the hospital. Liara can you take her there I will meet with you later." Elizabeth and Liara walked into the elevator. "Joker can you give us some privacy?"

"Of course Commander." he said as he disabled the video and audio from the room.

Kaidan turned away from her and wiped his head.

"Kaidan," She breathed softly as she grabbed his shoulder. "Kaidan I know you, I know that it takes a lot to break your composure and even more for you to snap. I need to know what happened." He just stood there, he wouldn't dare look at her. What if Elizabeth was telling the truth, Of course, he knew Shepard didn't need any distractions but she deserved to know, she had to. It was eating him alive. He removed her hand from his shoulders as he turned to her and laced their fingers.

"Do you remember anything about them rebuilding you?"

"No, but there where things I found out about it. Miranda gave me the files, I.. I would have told you but you didn't exactly act like you wanted anything to do with me."

"I need to know everything you know about it."

"I will tell you everything, she said as her tone turned from Lily back into the Commander, "as soon as you answer my question. What the hell happened down here Kaidan?"

"I don't even know where to start Lily."


	5. Keeping it together

She had never really thought of having children. In her younger days on Mindoir she had dreamed of getting off of the farm and exploring the galaxy, children had never crossed her mind. Until Kaidan arrived; all of the sudden she envisioned her , Kaidan, and a little girl with whiskey colored eyes running around the Alenko family orchard. The two had even talked about retiring once the Reapers where dealt with and starting a family of their own. When Miranda had told her about her child, she was devastated. Sure, she wasn't ready to be a mother, and the thought of bringing a child into the world as the Reaper threat still loomed over them was unbearable.

So when Kaidan began telling her of their child, and that it was off somewhere in the galaxy, probably in the Illusive Man's grasp, to say she was heartbroken would be an understatement. There where so many things wrong with Kaidan's story. He knew about her on Horizon, he knew that they had a child, he had known that Cerberus recovered her, and he had helped Elizabeth earn Shepard's trust. The entire time he told his story, she did not move. She didn't say a word. She could feel herself retreating back into her body like she had done so many times before. Mindoir. Akuze. The Cerberus lab. Horizon. Her child. She just wanted to crawl out of her skin, she wanted to stop being Lily Shepard; anyone else would be preferable. Liara had given up her body to Cerberus; Kaidan and Elizabeth both knew. Miranda had given her fake files, and lied to her face. Did Joker know; What about Chakwas? Had they known all along? She felt betrayed, was there anyone on this damn ship who wasn't in on it?

After he had finished his version of the story, she walked silently into the elevator and headed for her quarters. When Joker had announced that they where nearing the Citadel, she was barely recognizable. Commander Shepard, savior of the Citadel and the first Human Spectre, laying in her bed un moving, staring at the blank wall. She hadn't cried, she couldn't, what would it change if she just cried? She had went numb; it is much easier to not feel anything than it is to face you're problems, and right now she had to many to take on. With everything going on the fact was, the Reapers weren't going to stop because she was hurt, and she knew she was the only one that stood a chance at defeating them. She dragged herself out of her bed and walked into the bathroom, she didn't recognize the face staring back at her in the mirror. She wiped off her face while applying the mask of the famous Commander.

They had rushed Elizabeth to the hospital and no one said a single word. After settling Elizabeth in to the hospital, Shepard and Liara headed towards the Tower to meet with the council. To Shepard's surprise, they denied her help for earth saying that they had to look out for their own home worlds, she was _truly shocked_ as she rolled her eyes at the council yet again. Maybe one day she would come to them, ask them for help and get it no strings attached; she laughed at herself. Yeah, fucking right. She had zoned out of the speech and began tallying all of the times the council hadn't believed her. She lost count and wondered if she could cash in on any of that now, they were lucky she was silent, she had had enough of their bullshit to last her two lifetimes. The Reapers aren't real, Saren is innocent, you are a traitor, funny, she wasn't a traitor when they needed her. After Liara had bumped her arm and brought her back to the Council, Shepard was more than a little irritated. She would have to remember to mark this day in her calendar as the best fucking day ever, It was even above her dying. God, she needed a drink, or ten. Shepard's eyes where beginning to go fuzzy and the world suddenly got ridiculously hot. Her hands began shaking and she took a step back, thinking that would fix her body. Suddenly she was freezing, drifting away from the Normandy as she could feel the cold air running through the hole in her suit. She was on an operating table in a world that was nearly pure white.

" _This isn't right, you can't do this." Miranda's voice cut through she was talking to the holographic image of the Illusive man._

 _"We must Miranda. You don't really think Shepard will just forget about the experiments that she broke off. She thinks we are terrorists and she will never work for us unless we have something that she cares about. We need to stop the Collectors and Shepard is the only one who can."_

 _"But genetically engineering a child with her and Alenko's DNA to think she has a child is wrong. If you appeal to her and make her see the missing colonists she will help. Hell, she was a colonist she protects them all the time, just look at what she did on Feros."_

 _"We will not discuss this further Miranda, either you do it or I pull you off of this project and I might let it slip to your father where your sweet little sister is."_

 _"Enough!" Miranda said as she turned her head back to Shepard "I need more of his DNA, I don't have enough to work with._

 _"Done."_

"Shepard, are you alright," Liara said as she stepped towards Shepard, the small tremor in her hand had moved to the rest of her body. Before she could even ask Liara for help she fell backwards hitting her head hard against the floor as the world began swirling around her. _The boy she had seen on Earth turned and looked at for a moment and ran off, he ran towards a crib. She had just reached the crib as the baby has started screaming. She reached into it to comfort the child, as she had pulled him out, the baby had stopped crying, she had turned back to the older boy who was now smiling. He had a detonator in his hand and giggled as his thumb released the button. She had reached out to stop him as the baby began ticking. She looked down at the cooing baby as it morphed into a bomb, she set the baby back down in the crib and backed away, backing up into Kaidan._

 _"I told you she breaks everything." Kaidan said as he turned to Liara_

 _"You were right Major," Liara said as she grabbed his hand "I can't believe someone actually spent money on bringing her back."_

 _"I can't believe I followed her for this many years, what a terrible fucking human." Tali and Garrus said in unison as the baby began crying as its ticking grew louder._

 _"You think that's bad?" Her mother said as she pointed a gun at Shepard "She got us all killed."_

 _"Same here." Ashley said as she fired at Shepard, turning her world black._

 **Hello, first I just want to thank everyone who has read this story, this isn't the first story I've written, but it is the first one I have posted online so please feel free to review. Secondly, I am really sorry for the delay in this I have been super busy with work and all of that good stuff, but I will do my best to update more often. Thanks.**


	6. Falling Apart

"Shepard, oh thank the Goddess she's waking up." Liara's voice filled the blinding white room as a dull throbbing worked its way up Shepard's skull. She felt her hands grab hers before she even saw her.

"What happened?"

"We were in the middle of a meeting with the Council and you just fainted. You've been out cold for almost three hours now." Liara pushed a few wet strands off of Shepard's face as her eyes finally came into focus. Elizabeth and Kaidan were standing next to each other, staring at her.

"I thought you were hurt." Shepard croaked out, Liara reached for a glass of water and put the straw to Shepard's lips.

"The doctor's here are incredible, I'm ready to go back out if you need me." Kaidan's jaw clenched at her words

"Kaidan, you and Elizabeth should go to the store and buy anything the two of you need for a while, I doubt we'll be back for a while." He started to argue with her, but said nothing as he walked out of the door behind Elizabeth. "Try not to kill each other."

She gripped Liara's hand tighter and looked over at her friend. Friend, is that what she could still call her? Did she even have a single friend anymore.

"Did you know?" Liara looked puzzled at her friends question "About my baby, did you know Liara?" Liara's mouth fell open.

"You have a baby?"

"Liara, please if you knew please tell me I can't handle this shit anymore."

"Shepard, honestly this is the first time I am hearing this, how old is your child? Who is the baby's fa... Kaidan." Liara looked over at her friend as tears began burning in her eyes. "Shepard, nothing has come through any of my networks about you or the Major having a child. I swear, if I had even seen something that hinted to it I would have told you" Doctor Michel walked into the door and quickly scanned all of Shepard's signs.

"Commander, you seem to be back to great health, but I must advise that you take it easy. The stress is really taking its toll on you."

"I will keep her in check Doctor." Liara said as she smiled at Shepard.

"I do care about her Kaidan, I truly do. I will admit at first, I couldn't care less about her but I am telling you if I knew anything you and Lily would be the first to know."

"Fine, but I suggest you keep a good distance from me, and if you do anything that puts her in danger..."

"I had more than enough opportunity to get rid of her before, what makes you think I would do it now?"

"You are luring her into a false sense of security, you are just waiting for her to turn her back."

She looked at him and laughed "Shepard doesn't know the word security, she think someone is always out to get her. She's barely holding it together which is why I wasn't going to say anything until she was better. What, you think her little blackout had nothing to with anything you told her? She has an entire galaxy that expects her to win them a future, she is already paranoid about Cerberus, suffering from PTSD from her death, not to mention everything she had been through before, and you thought it would be a good idea to break her heart further by bringing this up. I had already fixed the files with Miranda, she thought the baby was dead."

"So, so what? I should just never let her now that she has a child somewhere out in the galaxy and that man has his hands on it."

"I am not saying never Kaidan, of course she deserves to know. What she doesn't deserve is more stress while she is in charge of saving the galaxy." They didn't realize that they had started yelling until Kaidan's omni tool pinged with a message from Shepard calling them back to the ship.

She began to walk off but he grabbed her arm and leaned closer to her "Keep you're distance, next time I will shoot to kill." He let her go and the two of them walked their separate ways.


	7. Pancakes

She heard the alarm and rolled over to shut it off. She stayed in bed trying to force herself back to sleep when she smelled something strange. Pancakes. She hadn't had pancakes since the attack on Mindoir, that was the last time she had eaten them. Kaidan had found out the hard way of her hatred for them on their shore leave just before there first tour on the Normandy.

 _She was laying in their bed, she reached out to feel the warmth of his body, but all she received was the coolness his absence. She found his shirt that had been thrown onto the floor last night in their haste to make it to their bed and slipped it on. She walked into the kitchen as he began pouring the pancake mix into the pan. She froze. "Kaidan," she whispered before her eyes suddenly stopped working and she felt a sharp pain go through her skull. When she had finally woken back up and told him what had caused it, he had thrown all of the pancakes out of the house._

She opened her eyes to find herself not on the Normandy, but in her bedroom on Mindoir. She was wearing her favorite sleep shirt. She had thrown it away during an anxiety attack her first night on Earth. She stood from her bed and sure enough she was back in her sixteen year old self's body. She went downstairs, determined to take every moment of this memory that she could.

Her dad had his arm around her mother as he tossed the pancakes into the air. Her older brother Brock was sitting at the table playing with his omni tool. Damn, she hadn't realized how much they had changed through the years it was so gradual. Her younger brother Blaze was sitting on the floor playing with his new friend. Toby? no, that wasn't his name. She stared at the back of the boy's head trying to remember it until he turned his head and looked at her, the boy from Earth. No, no this kid was on Mindoir she remembered him. He had asked to stay over at there house that night, _she had heard the screams, she had assisted in his death._ He was on Earth. She remembered him, she looked at him and thought of the nights her and Kaidan had talked about having a family. She remembered smiling as she watched him play with his ship. Her nose began bleeding accompanied by the feeling of a sledge hammer to her skull. The woods. He was the boy from Elysium. He was the boy from Mindoir. He was the boy from Earth. He was the boy she had seen die so many times over, and over. Her dreams, hell she could still hear him. Suddenly the world was spinning and she was no longer in her kitchen with her family, but standing at the foot of a light house; the boy stood next to her. He said nothing, but his blue eyes turned into whiskey colored eyes and he looked at her begging for some sort of answer as he began sobbing, she reached out to touch him and he smiled. He reached into his pocket and gave her an apple, the pair ate their apples in silence as they watched the sunset together. He had laid his head on her shoulder as she stroked his hair and absentmindedly began singing a lullaby that her mother used to sing. He had fallen asleep and she didn't dare move for fear of causing this paradise to crumble. Then, the boy was everywhere, in the family's barn on Mindoir, in the makeshift hospital on Elysium, right outside of her apartment, Horizon, Virmire, the collector base, and then there was just the two of them again. He was still sound asleep on her lap, but now they were in a hospital, the Illusive man had his back turned to her and she heard him laughing. He turned to face her, in his arms was a small baby who wailed at his new world. "Don't hurt him," she heard her voice say as he began walking towards them. "Please," she said softly as she began falling through the ground.

"Shepard." The soft voice of the A.I sounded through the room. "I detected an increase in your heart rate commonly associated with stress. Given your recent fainting spell I thought it best to wake you. Are you alright?"

"I'll... I'll be fine EDI. Can you tell me how far we are from Menae?" She said as she regained control of her breath.

"ETA twenty minutes Shepard. I would advise that you go see Dr. Chakwas, you do not seem to be in good shape at the moment."

"I'll be fine, tell Liara, Kaidan, and Elizabeth to suit up and meet me in the hangar soon we need to talk." She stood up from her bed and wiped away the blood from her nose.


End file.
